This is a really valuable book for any gay man to own, but especially if he is over 30. It is a well thought out distillation of the current thinking on aging and has a wonderful flavor of the many “70s” self-help books minus the then trendy psycho-babble of those bygone tomes (and times). I’m no expert but have spent years in the counseling/probation/parole environment. I found little here that was inappropriate, “wrong,” or goofy. The contents and concepts are not new, but they are helpful especially for having a gay perspective.
Kooden’s work over the years as a gay therapist has been pared down to a clear and genuinely usable book.
Initially I was pre-disposed to an “Oh crap, another whiny gay book pretending to be useful” mindset. Wrong! Having navigated my mid-life years in one piece I wondered what use this book could be…after all we all have to pass into (and it is hoped, through) midlife just as we did adolescence. Actually the book is useful at any age.
Under thirty types might profit from a brief skim…to get the idea that life is a journey, fluid, changing, and that there do exist pathways and markers, even mentors, to help move us along.
Thirties might read a little more carefully sections involving esteem while passing over issues on end-years.
Forty type guys will find much here that is fascinating, helpful, but maybe a little frightening. All the more reason to read on!
Fifties and sixty men will be happy to see how well they have done with their own lives and gain no little assistance in clarifying their view of their active, productive later years.
The book deals with midlife issues, aging and ageism in three distinct segments: body, mind and soul. This makes perfect sense to me and for good reason. My gay experiences have grown not from the clubs in New York and Boston nor the “gay Ghettos” of Chelsea and the South end, rather from the (relatively) stable mature perspective of Seacoast Gay Men, Capital Gay Men, Gay Men Together, and to a lesser degree, Back to Camp. In those communities the three aspects of our nature are recognized, praised and supported.
There is much to be learned from Golden Men no matter how much experience you have as a counselor or counseled. I can probably list twenty or more concepts that I found helpful in my own personal aging process, but two are worth mentioning. First is the concept of the four ages in which we live: chronological (calendar) age, body (physical health) age, heart (experiential) age, and gay (accepting) age. For me these ages differ widely and explain much about how I view (and act in) the world.
The other: “Letting Go,” living without being judgmental coupled with living in the moment is a lesson we all can profit from learning, especially those of us who are older.
I rarely recommend self-help or self-discovery books to friends: this book is the exception. This is $14 well spent. This is a book to read, to study, to keep and perhaps to re-read.