If the Devil were a drag queen, would his drag name be “Satin”? If “pope” were to become a verb in 2002, would the following sentence be appropriate usage: “...the Devil popes his head in the middle of things”? If you found out that a previously uptight character had a “clam” come over him, would you think that the character was more uptight now, or less?
These questions may come to mind if you read D L Faulkner’s Life...? Of the Christian Family. As you encounter each instance, you’ll laugh not because the questions are funny, but because the questions were never intended to be asked. These are random malaprops that happen to be funny, a very rare occurrence. That there are more than one in the same book should serve as a warning: there are a lot more that are not funny. I performed a crude statistical analysis and determined that there are more than 3200 English mistakes: almost always consisting of misused words, misused punctuation, and sentence fragments.
Normansville is Pleasantville minus the laugh-track and color. The setting is present day, yet it feels like the 1950s (women are doting wives who obey, cook dinner, wash dishes, and work as secretaries). The town is filled with odd last names: Thankful, Selfish, Doings, Altogether, Fearing, Blessings, and Faithful. Curiously, the people are cognizant of the meaning in their names: “There could not be a next time, Bill Selfish. And that is just what he was, selfish.”
A handful of simple sub-plots work together to drive home this book’s main theme: the power of faith. One plot examines the high school relationship between Bill Selfish and Mary Thankful. Bill is a somewhat ordinary guy who might skip church on occasion if Saturday night went on too long. By comparison, Mary would rather throw herself from a bridge than face having missed church. When Bill begs to talk about something besides his loyalty and faith to God while enroute to a date, Mary gets upset. When they arrive and she discovers that a band called “Twinkles and the Flickering Lights” will be playing, she runs from the room. (Okay, no fault there.) Bill should be the character that sheds light on the chokehold that this lifestyle imposes. A family debate might have led to Mary’s exploration of the dark side. (Imagine the mental explosions going off after her first tongue-kiss. The subsequent black makeup and whoring around town would have been priceless, and instructive, too, since she could have emerged from the blackness an enriched, whole person.) Instead, both characters are weak and ultimately fade into oblivion.
Another plot centers around a perfect attendance award being given to the Thankful family, from, you guessed it, the church. What’s interesting about this is the quiet, simmering outrage that surfaces from their fellow churchgoers. Some make anonymous phone calls, some threaten blackmail. Why? Envy? This is never really explored, unfortunately, and thus also fades into oblivion.
Then there’s the stranger who comes into church, sits in the back row (yet is noticed by everyone), and freaks out the pastor. Resolving the identity of the man is tedious, but it leads to the recall of a rather poignant scene in a barn when the stranger was younger. This was my favorite scene in the book.
Then there’s Mr. Doings and his crushed hand, which is miraculously healed by a command to God from Mr. Faithful, the pastor. Later, he summons God to find and return Bill’s car to the space where it was parked and to clear a path away from a group of thugs where he’s hustling pool. The miracles in this book are nothing short of magic; logically, this should work against the theme. If your pastor can wave his hand and upstage the local hospital, you might start to think of him or treat him as God. That too might have been an interesting subject to explore, but unfortunately, this book didn't go there.
I have so much more to comment on, including Bill’s job interview, Satan’s personal interest in Mr. Thankful, the pastor’s disinterest in the remaining souls in the “Death Ward,” Sunday school with Mr. Blessings, nurses named “Thelma and Lois,” the almost homoerotic angle that didn’t happen between Thomas and Ralph, and of course, how a refreshing Coca-Cola can distract you from the sight of your own father dead on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, I am out of space and must get to the wrap-up.
Dan came to Seacoast Gay Men earlier this year to discuss the process of getting this book published. If you attended, you probably enjoyed this meeting, because the process is fascinating and Dan told it very well. That he finished a book and published it is a lot more than can be said for many people, particularly me. CGM members can attest that Dan’s introduction is a highlight of the meeting because he is a master storyteller. I believe that Dan can become a good writer. However, this book was in no condition to be published. Dan needs comprehensive study of English, a writing mentor, a good editor, and most of all, a lot of practice.