The cover of this autobiography suggests that men in uniform are hot. Most of us know this already, thanks to the various “training films” we have watched. In this case however, the uniform is real. Jeffrey McGowan voluntarily served during the Gulf War years, driven by an intense desire to be in the military. This makes him good at it, and he steadily rises in the ranks and is decorated along the way. Unfortunately, he’s also a fully sexual and loving being, and although he succeeds initially to “keep the genie in the bottle” as he loves to say, he realizes that he cannot fulfill both sides of his life.
This is the story of how McGowan comes to choose which side he will continue to pursue for the rest of his life. Want to guess? Along the way, we get glimpses of life inside the military, but these are too sporadic. Although the book is too long, I wanted to see much more military. One moment, he’s just earned a promotion and he’s blundering through an impromptu speech to men who don’t know him, and the next moment, he’s not only earned their trust, but he’s also developed a very intimate rapport with them. How did he traverse this gap?
Instead, we get long introspective ponderings and rhetorical questions about Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. We also get an almost complete picture of the men in his life, particularly the 3 with whom he had substantial feelings for. I enjoyed these parts because McGowan is raw and real and almost child-like in his honesty. The chapters that cover Paul, whom he meets inside the Army, are the most interesting, although their greeting hugs are some of the most uncomfortable of all literature. As you read about Paul, you’ll wonder how differently this story would unfold in a completely gay-friendly military, because you’ll want to know to what extent relationships are a distraction. (Not necessarily gay relationships, mind you.) There were definitely moments when I got nervous watching McGowan consumed by puppy love.
Of course, the folks who want homosexuals banned from the military would say that it’s the cohesiveness of the unit itself that is most threatened. Unfortunately, this concept only barely comes up, after McGowan is of a rank high enough to have an office with shower. We see officers brow-beating about it, but little else. McGowan himself is still so in the closet that no one knows.
In the end, Major Conflict shows that a gay man can be highly successful in the Army. But the case against Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell is still personal. Who among the policy makers will be persuaded?